What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
