Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
