there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
