Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
