Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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