I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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