They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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