suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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