Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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