Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
