i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize