the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
