And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my liver is dry heaving
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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