I looked at my own cervix.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
