I cockslap morals
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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