I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
