I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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