please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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