We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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