I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
