girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you will always have a special place in my vag
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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