thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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