i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize