Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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