1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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