i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
