It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
