Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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