dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I've blown a few things in my day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
