I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
