it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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