Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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