his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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