What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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