One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize