I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
