you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
