i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize