Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
