i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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