omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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