Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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