I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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