you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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