Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
