I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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