I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
