turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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