You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
