I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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