oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
