I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
