I feel like abortions should bother me more
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
