I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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