I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
