Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
