I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
