hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
