I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
