i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
