Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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