I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
