No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
