He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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