after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's just like the Real World with babies
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
