Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
